One week ago today, I got my first positive pregnancy test. Six days ago, I got my second. And five days ago, I got my third and fourth.
I always thought seeing that second pink line would feel so real. Now that I've actually experienced it, surreal is more like it. Does that really mean what I think it means? How come I don't feel pregnant? Just how drastically will our life change? Even after having seen the fourth positive, which came from the hospital and should therefore have felt a little weightier, the reality hasn't really hit me yet.
It's very hard to put such a mixed bag of emotions into words:
- Happy: of course! This baby is very much wanted.
- Thankful: after months of hoping, I am relieved to know all the "plumbing" works just fine. And not just that--the timing couldn't be better.
- Anxious/Nervous/Worried: will the baby be healthy? How many pregnancy discomforts will I face? Every decision I make now affects two people, not just me.
- Calm: just take it in stride. I am usually a bundle of nerves, but my response to all this has actually been pretty even-keeled.
- Restrained: don't get too excited yet. It's still early. (I've been trying to take the nurse's advice to be happy in the moment.)
- Playful: weeding out names like "Achilles" and "Princess"=comic relief.
- Speculative: boy or girl?!
- Confused: I didn't really expect it to feel like this. Is this normal? When will it start feeling real? (I think the nurse was onto something when she said, "just wait for the bump").
- Distracted: it's hard to concentrate on anything else when I've got such life-changing news!
- High-on-life: what a blessing! We are so excited.
So far I haven't experienced too many symptoms. Thankfully, nausea has stayed away. A couple of times I've suspected it was around the corner, but nothing yet...even as I walk by the city's embarrassingly high piles of trash. My appetite has actually been healthy as a horse, so much so that I've already put on a few pounds. I know it's a bit early for that, but thankfully I started out on the thin side. I am trying to up my liquids and dark greens and legumes, and taking daily prenatal vitamins. I often fight the urge to eat chocolate--and often lose. Exercise will be key in the next few months, especially while I am more mobile. Right now my job keeps me very active, but I'll have to motivate myself once summer vacation hits.
Otherwise, my you-know-whats have been crazy-sore (besides a missed period, this was the first sign of pregnancy). I won't complain about the related side-effects.
I've been tired, but it's nothing I can't attribute to my busy schedule. I am awaiting my summer break more impatiently than ever.
I'm also looking forward to finding out more about baby in subsequent hospital visits, which are sure to loosen me up in a big way. On Friday, two days after I got my first positive, I got my first big dose of blood-work. Those who know me well know that I am terrified of needles, but it's something that I'm just going to have to get over--along with a bunch of other stuff. The first tech stuck me once in vain (not in vein...ha), but fortunately someone else took over and made the whole thing pretty painless. I made sure to get his name so I could enlist his skills during future visits, because he told me I'd be seeing a whole lot of the lab.
Finally, I can't wait to share the good news with family and friends. We want to pass a couple of milestones or so before telling everyone, but I am already bursting to share our secret. It was really fun to show Alan the evidence: though my smile betrayed me as I approached him, positive test in hand, he took one look at the double line and asked, "what does that mean?" Classic.
