The Things You Do for Love

It's no secret that marriage is give-and-take. Here are some of my own small sacrifices of late:

• watching ESPN for more than just UNC basketball...ahem, a lot more


• turning down my favorite song in the car so we can analyze and appreciate the "seductive" sound a Dodge Challenger SRT8 makes as it roars by


• bundling up in the summer so Alan can set the A/C as he pleases


• eating more hamburgers and fries than I can count (ok, so maybe that one's not so difficult)


• keeping that outdated white leather loveseat he acquired before we were married


• watching man-movies

As I've mentioned before, we spend way too many evenings at home on the couch. And as I have been neglecting the Netflix queue, a lot of that time has involved science fiction, big explosions, Arnold Schwarzenegger...or all three at once.

Earlier in the week I had endured the nonsense that is Terminator IV, so I immediately picked up on the "I'm-sorry-but-not-really" vibes in Alan's voice when he told me a few days ago that another Netflix movie had made its way to Italy.

Normally, this is a happy occasion for me. Those DVDs must have to trek through Siberia and back before finally landing in our mailbox. But with the way things have been going lately, I'm convinced all the tough-guy movies muscle and blow up their way over here much faster than any of my girly dramas do.

Not surprisingly, that's exactly what Arnold did in this 1985 triumph of brawn and one-liners:



I'm pretty sure that you can find Commando in the dictionary under the heading "Awesomely Bad." Arnold manages to check off every single box in the list of awesomely bad movie components:

• ~10 minutes of opening scenes, in which suit-clad bad guys wreak havoc on innocent bystanders. (In stark contrast, Arnie is portrayed as a gentle giant who enjoys lots of father-daughter time--especially when it involves sharing a laugh after she smudges ice cream in his face.)


• During a fight scene, just enough concentration on Arnold's part to pull out a witty: "I eat Green Berets for breakfast...and right now I'm very hungry!"


• Lots of screentime for an all sinew-and-veins John Matrix (how's that for a manly name?!) to parade around shirtless...or better yet, in a Speedo.


• The prototypical cheesy 80s action movie soundtrack.


• Hundreds of expendable soldiers from a fictional but extremely evil South American country.


• A complete lack of suspense.

The trailer does a great job of encapsulating the "complexity" of this movie in just a couple short minutes:



I'll admit it: watching this man-movie was nowhere near as difficult as I thought it would be. If chuckles and popcorn are all I have to endure for love, then bring it on! Until then, it's my turn to tinker with the Netflix queue: as of now, we'll have enough dramas and foreign films to last us through 2011. Somewhere, somehow, someone's...going to endure a lot of tears and subtitles.